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Trust Him More Than Yourself


For a woman to experience her deepest sexual bliss and openness, she must trust her lover’s masculine more than she trusts her own.

Most women are capable of very deep sex. As a woman, your body and heart desire utter ravishment, total surrender, wave upon wave of pleasure and blissful love. But usually your sexual experience falls quite short of this.

If you are like most women, you know that sex can be better than it usually is. Even if you have not yet experienced it, you intuit a deeper sexual potential, although you may not know exactly how to get there.

For most women (and men), there are sexual skills to learn and emotional knots to untie. But no matter how skillful or easeful you become, your partner plays a huge role in how fully you will be willing to open sexually, physically, emotionally, and spiritually together.

Deep, ravishing sex involves the loving play of masculine and feminine forces. The masculine is consciousness, and manifests through the body as presence and direction. The feminine is love-light, and manifests through the body as radiance and life force. A sexy masculine person is very present and confident in direction. A sexy feminine person is very radiant and alive with life force. Presence and radiance attract each other and can realize their oneness in the depth of sexual embrace.

In truth, masculine and feminine are aspects of the one conscious light that is called the divine by many names. For the fullest expression of sex, love is necessary but not sufficient. In order for sex to become sacred ravishment, conscious light plays as two: one partner embodies the masculine force of consciousness, presence, and purpose, while the other partner embodies the feminine force of love-light, radiance, and life force. These days, many men and women are afraid to sexually embody these divine expressions. Why?

Each person, every man and woman, has both masculine and feminine within them. Years ago, men were forced by social custom to always play the masculine role and women to play the feminine. This felt suppressive and limited. So, modern-day social custom has evolved to idealize balanced men and women: people who are each supposed to embody both masculine and feminine in a kind of psychological wholeness and relational independence.

Being whole unto oneself is a sign of psychological health. But being able to take the next step, to relinquish your boundaries in order to realize and express something larger than yourself, is a sign of spiritual maturity. To grow beyond mere self-sufficient wholeness, you and your lover can learn to open your boundaries and relinquish sexual autonomy for the sake of two-bodied divine play.

If you are sexually playing the feminine, you want to be swooned by your lover’s unwavering presence, taken beyond all resistance into the overwhelming fullness of love, ravished into bliss. If you are playing the masculine, you want to feel your lover’s trust and be attracted into your lover’s radiant surrender so that you may give yourself utterly in the ravishment of your lover. As your hearts trust, your boundaries are relinquished, and masculine and feminine open—sometimes savagely, sometimes sublimely—as one conscious light.

But if you cling to psychological wholeness, you won’t be willing to relinquish your boundaries of self-sufficiency. If you are like many modern women, you have worked hard to establish healthy boundaries and actualize your own direction and purpose; relinquishing your own navigation seems dangerous. Yet, if you have a more feminine sexual essence, this trust and sexual surrender is exactly what your deep heart desires. So, if you want to open in deep sexual play, you can practice trusting your lover to play the masculine while you play the feminine.

Even more difficult is the fact that, today, many women have a more highly developed masculine than their lovers do. You may not want to surrender to your lover’s masculine direction because you don’t trust it. And if your masculine direction is more evolved than your lover’s is, then you shouldn’t surrender to your lover’s masculine. You are better off navigating yourself, following your own sexual lead! But if you do so, don’t expect that your masculine lover will desire you for long.

Would you like to feel your masculine lover desiring and diving into your feminine radiance? Put another way, how attracted would you be if your lover preferred his own radiance to yours? Would it turn you on if he spent more time looking at himself in his dressing room mirror than at you, desiring himself and inspiring himself with his own beauty and shine?

Would that attract you sexually, if your masculine lover were “self-sufficiently radiant,” so that he enjoyed his own shine more than yours? This is how you feel to him, if you are “self-sufficiently directional,” trusting your own navigation more than his. Deep down, if you have a feminine sexual essence, then you want him to desire your radiance more than his own, and he wants you to desire his navigation more than your own. That is how the divine wants to make love through your bodies.

The truth is simple and stark: If you want to open sexually as the feminine divine, you won’t experience the deepest bliss of ravishment unless you are with a lover who can sexually navigate deeper than you, and you trust your lover’s masculine more than your own.

This is the bottom line. It doesn’t matter how many sexual skills you know, or how open you are emotionally. If you don’t trust your lover’s masculine force and direction more than your own, you won’t open completely. You won’t let down your boundaries and surrender in deep trust to be sexually ravished by the divine masculine. Your lover’s masculine consciousness, presence, and direction must be capable of bringing you to a deeper, more blissful and open love than you are capable of directing yourself, or you won’t trust your lover’s navigation. You won’t open completely, and sex will stop short of divine ravishment.

Once you have balanced your inner masculine and feminine, once you have developed as an autonomous, whole person, then you have achieved psychological integration. But to experience divine sexual bliss, there is another step to take. Without losing your capacity for wholeness in everyday life, you can learn to relinquish your boundaries during sex, giving yourself entirely to be taken by the divine masculine force. But if your own masculine is more developed then your lover’s, then you will stop short of utter surrender—and well you should! Why follow your lover’s sexual navigation if your own is deeper and more heart-true?

Therefore, if you want to experience the fullest divine play as the feminine sexual partner, then you must choose a lover worthy of your trust. If you are in a relationship, your lover can cultivate his whole-body depth of presence as you cultivate your capacity to receive his heart-true navigation. Specifically, your lover’s masculine consciousness, presence, and direction should be more developed than yours, more capable of taking you into utter sexual openness and spiritual surrender than you are capable of taking yourself.

If your lover can offer you this gift, then why not let go of your own sexual lead and surrender to ravishment as you have always yearned?

If you don’t trust your lover’s masculine direction more than yours, then the best you can hope for is love without deep ravishment. If love is all you want, then the play of masculine and feminine is irrelevant. You can enjoy love with your friends, children, and parents. You can love yourself. You can love the divine. You can love your intimate partner in many ways, cuddling, gardening, raising a family. Love is the very nature of your being, the very nature of all being. Love is the openness of every moment.

But if you find yourself yearning for a love that includes ravishing sexual play, if you want to be taken, swept off your feet, and overwhelmed by the unrelenting force of divine masculine presence, then you must be with a lover whose masculine direction you trust—and desire—more than your own. Only then will you allow yourself to surrender, receive, and bloom open wide as the moment’s full light of love.